Hydrocarbon Powered Ecovehicles

I got a fast one pulled on me the other day as I was out for a walk. I saw a car with the following sticker on its rear windshield:

Hydrocarbon Powered Ecovehicle

I was pretty confused looking at it. The person who had purchased the vehicle was obviously the victim of a very elaborate scam, but the logistics of successfully pulling off such an obtuse hoodwinking were puzzling me. How would someone successfully convince some poor rube that they were buying an “Eco-vehicle” that runs on hydrocarbons?

Did the salesman tell the poor sap that the car could be filled up at any old regular gas station, and that the futuristic engine under the hood would, through the “power of osmosis” or some such tripe, extract the hydrocarbons from the gasoline? I could just imagine the car dealer pitching the sale to the unsuspecting lepton, “It’s fortified with science!”

I thought about leaving an anonymous note on the victim’s windshield, politely explaining that hydrocarbons were actually a family of chemicals that included gasoline. Of course, anyone who was simple enough to buy a “hydrocarbon powered eco-vehicle” probably lacked the capacity to understand my explanation.

I went home and hopped on the webbernets, hoping to track down the source of the fraud, and found Glenn Beck. The sticker was indeed shenanigans, but not in the way I had interpreted. You see, the fake label was actually meant to fool environmentalists into thinking the vehicle runs on hydrocarbons, and somehow that was going to make us think sticking with fossil fuels was environmentally friendly… or something… Okay, I really have no idea what the point of the sticker is, the actual explanation makes no sense.

That’s probably because Beck makes no sense. This is the same guy who thinks “carbon neutral” means the product shouldn’t have any carbon in it, that torture is protected by the first amendment, and that Al Gore, Hilllary Clinton, Barack Obama, and anyone else he disagrees with is Hitler.

Beck is so over-the-top nonsensical that Jon Stewart best described him when he said, “Finally, a guy who says what people who aren’t thinking are thinking.” I suspect Glen Beck is the reason a majority of conservatives don’t know Stephen Colbert is joking.

Apparently Glen Beck is joking too, it’s just he’s the only one who gets it.