Flash Fiction: The Intergalactic Almost Hero

Albert Martucci woke up at six AM sharp every morning. He put on his slippers and his robe and went into the kitchen to brew a fresh pot of coffee. He ate the same breakfast every morning. Two eggs lightly scrambled, three strips of bacon, and two slices of buttered toast. Albert enjoyed the routine. Routines kept life simple. The steaming plate of food and brisk cup of coffee set out on the kitchen table by six thirty. Now all he needed was the morning paper to complete the scene.

He tipped the paperboy an extra dollar every week for the luxury of having the paper placed on his doorstep every morning. He appreciated this, especially on a cold January morning such as today. Frost still coated the ground as the sun hadn’t melted it yet and his breath condensed around him in the tart air. Albert took two steps onto his porch and felt his skin tighten into goosebumps.

As coincidence would have it, at that very moment in space and time Albert’s front porch was occupied by an errant wormhole. He fell into this disruption in space and time and was transported to the mystical planet of Zerapimm two billion light-years away. A planet at war for the mere right to survive in the face of oppression by the galactic empire. A planet who it just so happened was in need of a savior, a hero, from beyond the stars gifted with opposable thumbs, sweat glands, and an anal retentive attention to detail that could unite the planet against their totalitarian rulers and spread peace across the galaxy once and for all.

Unfortunately the Zerapimm atmosphere consisted of a highly volatile oxygen sulfuric acid mix which vaporized poor Albert before he could even chance to marvel at this New World. There was a flash of pain, darkness, and he was no more.