Tomorrow is Halloween, and that means it’s time to trot out BS stories about razorblades in snickers bars and more BS stories about poisoned candy perpetrated by silly people who must want to believe this stuff because it fits in with their preconceived notions that the world is a dark and disturbing place. So I got a little miffed when the following e-mail went out to the entire Coast Guard last week:

Subject: FW: [U] FW: NEW DRUG, Please read!!!!!!!!!!! (UNCLASSIFIED)

Please pass this on even if you do not have kids in school. Parents should know about this killer drug.

This is a new drug known as ‘strawberry quick ‘.
There is a very scary thing going on in the schools right now that we all need to be aware of.

There is a type of crystal meth going around that looks like strawberry pop rocks (the candy that sizzles and ‘pops’ in your mouth). It also smells like strawberry and it is being handed out to kids in school yards. They are calling it strawberry meth or strawberry quick.

Kids are ingesting this thinking that it is candy and being rushed off to the hospital in dire condition. It also comes in chocolate, peanut butter, cola, cherry, grape and orange.

Please instruct your children not to accept candy from strangers and even not to accept candy that looks like this from a friend (who may have been given it and believed it is candy) and to take any that they may have to a teacher, principal, etc. immediately.

Pass this email on to as many people as you can (even if they don’t have kids) so that we can raise awareness and hopefully prevent any tragedies from occurring.

Read more about this in the link below.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,271215,00.html

Hmmm… Funny that the e-mail links to a Faux News story about black heroin, which has nothing to do with strawberry flavored meth, but this story suffers from the same problem the stories about LSD-laced candy I used to get in 1980s from my teachers used to scare us students with: Why would drug dealers give away very expensive drugs to children??? The whole point of dealing drugs is to make money and/or enjoy their recreational use. Giving illegal drugs to kids is counter-intuitive to both these ends.

So I wrote the perpetrator of the above e-mail:

According to snopes.com, there are flavored versions of crystal meth; however, there is no evidence the drug is being “handed out to kids in school yards” or that children are “being rushed off to the hospital in dire condition.”

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/drugs/candymeth.asp

The Fox News link in the e-mail forwarded says nothing about strawberry drugs, but refers to a black-tar heroine. A more factually accurate e-mail would better serve people trying to make informed decisions rather than attempting to instill panic about Halloween Candy.

The response was quick and reaffirmed her belief that, whether the story was true or not, parents needed the e-mail to make informed decisions. I like how she called me “Ma’am”:

Ma’am,

The truth or urban legend about this stuff is controversial at best and I would rather be an informed parent and follow up with research then to find out later that even part of it was true.

Info passed out is not intended to scare, but is rather a tool to assist, to keep us aware that new things pop up all the time. If this truly bothers you than I will assure you I will never pass out any info again unless it is completely sanctioned by the US Coast Guard.

Got that? This misinformation is to prompt parents to do their own research to make informed decisions or some total utter nonsense along those lines. Can’t really make heads or tails of this response. The point is that Halloween is bad, you can’t trust your neighbors, and you need to stay inside and watch Fox News to make sure the perverts don’t bugger your children and the drug-dealers don’t trick you into overdosing.

Irregardless, Halloween is the best #$%&ing holiday of the year despite the fact that some people never grow up to realize it’s just make-believe. I’ll be handing out candy and watching “Night of the Living Dead.”