Published at the SCQ: Explaining Our World: Science VS Creationism
My latest article is up at the Science Creative Quarterly:
Explaining Our World: Science VS Creationism.
My previous articles are still available there as well:
Tragedy of the Commons Explained With Smurfs
Science Fiction VS Fantasy: An Opinionated Guide
Enjoy!
Science: Our predecessors had tails, and we retain these bones because our gluteus maximus and other muscles need something to anchor them. The coccyx also serves as a shock absorber when we fall on our rump.
Creationism: Ironic that science would use such a tall tale to explain a short one. Ha! Ha! But seriously folks. There’s no such thing. Science just likes to slip dirty words, like that c-word it just used, into our everyday language as part of their War on Traditional Family Values.
Science: They serve no purpose and exist because of a lack of sexual dimorphism in the early embryo. Male mammals have nipples because females have mammary glands.
Creationism: Wrong again Science. Nipples feel good and arouse people to procreate, as the Designer wants us to. Everybody knows breasts are for sex. That’s why our kids were all bottle fed at birth, to prevent them from growing up into unnatural perverts who use c-words.
Science: This is a vestigial characteristic of our skin that goes back to when our predecessors still had fur. In cold weather, the goose bumps would make the fur stand up, increasing it’s ability to hold in heat.
Creationism: Oh! Did you hear that? Did you hear? Science just admitted its relatives were furry! My kids are soooo gonna tease your kids on the playground on that embarrassing admission! Next topic.
Science: In our ancestors, this organ was much larger and served as a reservoir of bacteria and fermentation chamber for digesting cellulose. Many herbivores today have large appendixes that help them digest plants, while ours serves little purpose and will often get infected, needing surgical removal.
Creationism: I think Alfred Sherwood Romer and Thomas S. Parsons said it best, “Its major importance would appear to be financial support of the surgical profession.” Even scientists admit the Intelligent Designer gives them purpose!
Science: Menopause prevents a female from baring offspring at a time in her life when she would most likely not live to raise them to maturity. Instead, the older female may now devote her energies to raising her existing offsprings’ offspring, her grandchildren.
Creationism: Why don’t you just come out and say it? Women go through menopause to become Grandmothers! See? Family values! God-I mean, the Designer obviously supports Family Values!
Science: This fleshy part of our inner eye is what’s left of our predecessors’ third eyelid, or Nictitating membrane, which is found in many mammals and some fish. It serves no purpose in humans.
Creationism: Au contraire mon frere! It does so serve a purpose! It produces eye-boogers, and eye-boogers are great social-equalizers. Even the Pope gets eye-boogers!1
1 With apologies to Berke Breathed.
Science: The result of our blood vessels being selected for an active lifestyle rather than sitting in a chair all day, the result of a hole in the muscle wall in the groin to provide a pathway for the testicles to move from our ancestor’s internal placement to our present external placement, and a vestigial signal from our brainstem from when our ancestors had gills.
Creationism: Inconveniences of the flesh meant to test our faith while we wait to die and go to the afterlife.
Science: Because natural selection occasionally favors species that show altruism to one another.
Creationism: Because the Intelligent Designer said so.
4/5 of my house guffawed at that. The other 1/5 has turned uber christian by dating an uber uber uber christian. :(
Comment by DJ Nicko — July 2, 2008 @ 12:38 am
Great article!
“Hemorrhoids, Hernias, and Hiccups
…
Creationism: Inconveniences of the flesh meant to test our faith while we wait to die and go to the afterlife.”
Or,
“Thank you, O’ Lord, for being a pain in my ass!”
Comment by Dave — July 2, 2008 @ 5:30 am
It was a fun tit for tat.
THE BIGGER PICTURE IN THE DEBATE ON DARWINISM IS NOT INTELLIGENT DESIGN.
The reason is elementary: the Discovery Institute and other ID proponents leave out the Triune God, Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. Hence, Richard Dawkins can make the case for “aliens” seeding the earth.
The Quest for Right, a series of 7 textbooks created for the public schools, represents the ultimate marriage between an in-depth knowledge of biblical phenomena and natural and physical sciences. The several volumes have accomplished that which, heretofore, was deemed impossible: to level the playing field between those who desire a return to physical science in the classroom and those who embrace the theory of evolution. The Quest for Right turns the tide by providing an authoritative and enlightening scientific explanation of natural phenomena which will ultimately dethrone the unprofitable Darwinian view.
“I am amazed at the breadth of the investigation – scientific history, biblical studies, geology, biology, geography, astronomy, chemistry, paleontology, and so forth – and find the style of writing to be quite lucid and aimed clearly at a general, lay audience.” ? Mark Roberts, former Editor of Biblical Reference Books, Thomas Nelson Publishers.
The Quest for Right series of books, based on physical science, the old science of cause and effect, has effectively dismantled the quantum additions to the true architecture of the atom. Gone are the nonexistent particles once thought to be complementary to the electron and proton (examples: neutrons, neutrinos, photons, mesons, quarks, Z’s, bosons, etc.) and a host of other pseudo particles.
To the curious, scientists sought to explain Atomic theory by introducing fantastic particles that supposedly came tumbling out of the impact between two particles, when in fact, the supposed finds were simply particulate debris. There are only two elementary particles which make up the whole of the universe: the proton and electron. All other particles were added via quantum magic and mathematical elucidation in an attempt to explain earthly phenomena without God.
Introducing the scheme of coincidence, which by definition, “is the systematic ploy of obstructionists who, in lieu of any divine intervention, state that any coincidental grouping or chance union of electrons and protons (and neutrons), regardless of the configuration, always produces a chemical element. This is the mischievous tenet of electron interpretation which states that all physical, chemical, and biological processes result from a change in the electron structure of the atom which, in turn, may be deciphered through the orderly application of mathematics, as outlined in quantum mechanics. A few of the supporting theories are: degrading stars, neutron stars, black holes, extraterrestrial water, antimatter, the absolute dating systems, and the big bang, the explosion of a singularity infinitely smaller than the dot of an “i” from which space, time, and the massive stellar bodies supposedly sprang into being.
The Quest for Right is not only better at explaining natural phenomena, but also may be verified through testing. As a consequence, the material in the several volumes will not violate the so-called constitutional separation of church and state. Physical science, the old science of cause and effect, will have a long-term sustainability, replacing irresponsible doctrines based on whim. Teachers and students will rejoice in the simplicity of earthly phenomena when entertained by the new discipline.
The Quest for Right. http://questforright.com
Comment by C. David Parsons — July 2, 2008 @ 8:34 am
I’m very tempted to delete the above bit of Creationist Spam, but it looks more ridiculous leaving up there.
“Biblical Science Books” indeed. : P
Comment by ideonexus — July 2, 2008 @ 9:38 pm
haha! yea really!
Comment by ClintJCL — July 8, 2008 @ 11:19 am