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I’ve ordered mine, have you ordered your’s? All the cool kids are ordering one. Don’t you want to be part of the “in” crowd?

Not only does ordering one of these super-duper, ultra-nifty, best-thing-since-sliced-bread-cubed improve your health, fortunes, and make you more appealing to members of the opposite sex in general, but every laptop you buy for $399 means that a needy child in third-world country will get one too!

And then you can both go online and play deathmatch! Deathmatch!! DEATHMATCH!!!

I can’t wait to start pwning kids living in refugee camps around the world in Ethiopia, Rawanda, and Darfur at Quake while chowing-down on bean burritos in the comfort of my climate-controlled modern home. It’s gonna be Total ownage!

I’m already working on my snappy one-liners:

“Whaddya pause to wind up your laptop?”

“Hey! Whydontcha go farm some gold for me?”

“You’re so poor, you can’t even pay attention! Cause… you know… You’re all worried about clean water, and food, and all that genocide and stuff… Nevermind.”

Third World is Pwwned!

Kurt Vonnegut Photo by Ryan Somma

He would be 85 today. This great writer survived the firebombing of Dresden, wrote dozens of books and short stories, and was honorary president of the American Humanist Association.

Although he objected to the description, Vonnegut wrote many science fiction stories. In his book Cat’s Cradle, he came up with the idea of ice-nine a molecule that converts other water molecules to it’s form, turning room-temperature water into ice. Although science fiction at the time, today scientists are aware of prions, which are protein molecules that convert other molecules to their structure. This is understood to be the mechanism behind Mad Cow Disease.

In his book The Sirens of Titan all human accomplishments, from Stonehenge to the Great Wall of China, are revealed to be for the purposes of sending a message on behalf of a stranded alien requesting spare parts for its ship. His book Galapagos includes the evolution of people stranded on the Galapagos Islands into finned and feral animals after the extinction of the human race. His most famous book, Slaughterhouse Five follows a man “unstuck in time” as he visits different moments in his life. All of these books are precious for their statements on the human condition.

Kurt Vonnegut died on April 11^th of this year from brain injuries after a fall at his Manhattan home.

There’s a bit of odd numerical synchronicity in this date of birth (11/11). In some parallel universe, where humans have an extra digit on each hand and foot, today would be Powers of Eleven Day. What a tribute that would be, for a writer who was so unique in writing and worldview.

I am officially a professional blogger! The blog is called Geeking Out, it’s for my local paper, I’m getting paid for it (barely), and I’ve added the RSS feed for it to this blog’s sidebar. : )

Keep an eye out for my upcoming nervous breakdown trying to keep up with all of this.

Post this pic:

LOLCat Mollie “i can has hugz?”

Despite having one of her back legs amputated, skin grafts to her front paws, and one sadly amusing temper tantrum, she has made a full recovery and resumed her position as neighborhood bully. Mollie is a scrapper cat. This picture is definately too sad for the Realisticats.

My brother Jason had some great suggestions to caption this:

“I AM THE NEW BREED OF PINK DOOM RADAR DEATH CALICO!”

In LOLCatSpeak translates: “i r pink doom raydar deth kat,” which definitely works, but Mollie looks way too gosh-darn pathetic to pull this off. Same for these next two:

“50 Cent ain’t got Shit on Me!”

I liked this one:

“I tried inventing the light bulb but Edison’s goons got to me first”

Great joke, science-related, and humorous for anyone aware of Thomas Edison’s penchant for regularly electrocuting cats as a publicity stunt, but too obscure a reference.

This one is strangely inspiring, and captures how I feel about this effort:

“At least I tried…what have you done with your life?”

He would be 73 today. As Sagan was dying, he stressed the fact that his quasi-atheism did not make him fear death at all, but rather he was always overjoyed for having the opportunity to even briefly exist and experience at all. The world is a much happier place for his having existed.

Sagan’s many works, including his inspiring Cosmos series and his book Demon-Haunted World resulted in my personal ionian enchantement, where I fell in love with the natural world, shook off my own childish ideas about reality, and made science my number one cause.

Carl Sagan was also an avid pot smoker, which does nothing to detract from the brilliance of his writting, and everything to argue for decriminalizing marijuana use.

HAWGWARSH

Not to be outdone by Steve Milloy, I’m offering a BAZILLION-JILLION DOLLARS (That’s more money than infinity!) to anyone who can disprove the following Global Warming Hypotheses:

HAWGWARSH Hypothesis #1

A genetically-engineered race of super-elves, funded by the axis of Cultural Villainy’s Sierra Club, Lambda Horizons, and China are rubbing their buttockses together in homoerotic fashion in an effort to scare people into the evils of environmentalism, promote the homosexual agenda of eroding the American family, and destroy the American tradition of Market Socialism. These elves are so satanically advanced that they are only detectable through absolute, unquestioning faith.

HAWGWARSCH Hypothesis #2

Ultimately we have nothing to worry about with Global Warming because Zorgo the mighty, herald of Reganomics and champion of the NeoConservative faith, will swoop down from beyond the dome of stars painted overhead to vanquish the tree-huggers and chicoms to hell and chauffeur all Big Tobacco, Big Oil, and Republican Party donors to that great big New Republic cruise in the sky. After which, the Left Behind books will begin.

RULES

By submitting an entry to the Hyper Ass-Whupping Global Warming Yadda Yadda Yadda, you agree to adhere to the following terms and conditions:

1. Entrants agree to be bound by the HAWGWARSH Rules.

2. Entrants acknowledge that the concepts and terms mentioned and referred to in the HAWGWARSH hypotheses are inherently and necessarily imaginary, and therefore intangible, supernatural phenomena completely lacking in material form and substance. I–er–HAWGWARSH reserves the exclusive right to define all properties of said entities and mechanisms (Sucks to be you.).

3. ideonexus.com, in its sole discretion, will determine the winner, if we feel like it. This will depend heavily on how much ExxonMobil pays us to not declare one, and whether we feel like parting with such a large sum of money.

4. However unlikely, should there be a winner, they will receive the bazillion-jillion dollars in a single, lump sum rubber check, after sufficient time has been allowed for us to transfer our net-worth to offshore bank accounts and file for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy.

5. Submissions must be 100% original, and we mean 100% ORIGINAL. You may not cite the research of others, use any known language, math, or logic in your submissions.

6. Unlike our data, your data must be publicly available and readily accessible to the public.

7. Contest opened for submissions on November 3, 1907. So far it’s gone 100 Years Without any Takers!!!

8. An undisclosed entry fee is required for each entry submitted. Send us money, if it isn’t enough, we’ll send you a notice “Reserve Not Met.” Like Ebay, but without refunds and user feedback.

9. No entries will be accepted. So why bother with a deadline?

10. Contest results will be announced February 29, 2100. Failing to be alive at the time of the announcement disqualifies applicants from winning.

11. Submissions must be laser-etched on steel tablets in triplicate and delivered to me in person. I’ll be in the shower. You may alternately put them in the mail addressed to Santa Claus, since that’s about the same response you’ll get.

12. Entries must include an abstract of no more than 700 words, but long enough for us to figure out if you really know what you’re talking about. That way we can skip to entries more easily ridiculed.

13. Entrants consent to HAWGWARSH editing their submissions and posting them to this blog with snarky commentary and supplemented with children’s drawing attributed to you.

14. You may not sue HAWGWARSH, ideonexus, or Ryan Somma for any shenanigans.

All entrants will get a free stamp on their forehead that reads, “ideonexus pwwned.”

So what have you got to lose?

“Work with animals is a source of suffering to all of us. We treat them like babies who cannot speak. The more time passes, the more I’m sorry about it. We shouldn’t have done it. We did not learn enough from the mission to justify the death of the dog.” ”
- Oleg Gazenko, leading scientists behind the Soviet animals in space programmes

Laika

50 years ago today, Kudryavka, aka. Laika (Russian for “Barker”), became the first living passenger from Earth to reach space. She died from stress and overheating just a few hours into what was to be a seven-day flight, but the plan was always to euthanize her remotely at the mission’s end as the Soviets lacked the time and resources to plot her safe return to Earth.

This was because then Soviet leader Khrushchev wanted a second spacecraft launched in celebration of the 40th anniversary of the Bolshevik Revolution, November 7, one that would top the recent success of Sputnik. The American press nicknamed her “Muttnik,” and it was long after the political ramifications of the flight were exhausted that her inhumane treatment became the focus of the debate.

Kudryavka lived as a stray on the streets of Moscow before her life in the Soviet Space program, where she was renamed “Laika” because it was catchier. Much of the inhumane treatment she and other animals suffered, such as long periods of confinement and intense training, were invaluable to planning human space flight; however, nothing was gained scientifically by sacrificing Kudryavka in a mission meant solely for political gain. Sputnik 1 was a fantastic accomplishment; Sputnik 2 was a complete failure.

Laika Graphic Novel by Nick Abadzis

None of this makes Kudryavka any less a hero in the canon of space explorers. First in space is first in space. “She is perhaps the only character in the Monument to the Conquerors of Space (1964), other than Lenin himself, who can be individually identified by name,” and numerous stories, music, and even a soil target on Mars carry on the name and legend of Laika.

More photos of Kudryavka on this discussion thread.

Wikipedia entry for Laika.

Cross-Posted at Geeking Out

The Science Creative Quarterly posted my article How To Fly:

Also, LOLQuacks has posted my LOLStevenMilloy photo.

Ira Flatow responded to my friend’s request on Facebook (still denied), after I wrote to him back in September explaining my obsession with collecting Science exponents on social networking sites and singing their praises when they add me.

This was his response:

To Ira’s credit, he did actually click the link to my blog. To Ira’s discredit, he didn’t flame me for flaming him… or maybe that’s to his credit, like… I dunno… Being a bigger person than me or something.

Whatever. My blog isn’t an after-@#$%ing-school special. No matter how cool Ira is for his books and radio and networking with real scientists, he still sucks just a little bit for not adding me. : P