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Wheel of Time Book I Eye of the World

…and millions of fanboys around the world scream, in their best impression of Darth Vadar realizing Padmé Amidala has died by his hand, “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

I am so glad I stopped reading the Wheel of Time series at book six.

Robert Jordan’s WoT series was hands-down the most exhaustively-detailed, prolific, and engaging fantasy series I have ever had the pleasure of reading… for the first six books. I got 50 pages into book seven and realized I had no idea what was going on. There were now so many characters, plots, and subplots that I would have to go back and re-read the previous six 1000-page books again to get back up to speed.

#$%@ that, I thought, I’ll just wait till he finishes the damn thing and read them all on an extended vacation.

Over the years, friends of mine who continued to faithfully follow the series said the books were declining in quality. Nothing was happening. The online communities were starting to gripe also.

Then, in the last few years, the books recaptured their momentum and people were starting to regain interest in them. Fans were re-reading the whole series over and over again with each new book. Books 8-11 all hit #1 on the NYT’s bestseller list.

Then Robert Jordan got fatally ill, but was promising to finish the series before he died. Book 11 came out, and he was thinking he could bring things to a satisfying close with two more books… maybe three.

This #$%@er’s gonna die before he finishes it, I thought sadly. I was really looking forward to being able to read the complete series, but still not willing to invest the time, energy, and emotions in a story that may never have an ending. On Sunday, September 16th, 2007 Robert Jordan’s 17-years of effort ended unconcluded.

Did I mention how glad I am that I stopped reading this series at book six? There’s a lesson in here somewhere. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for he, not me! : P

I hope he didn’t die of shame after reading the final installment of my Fantasy VS Science Fiction series of articles over at my now defunct ideonexus beta blog (that’s right, I blogwhore on my own blog! What of it???).

Anyways… to all you Robert Jordan fans, I have one thing to say, SUCKERS!!!!

Ha! Ha! Bite me fanboys! Thpppt!!!

Working on a military base for six years has given me a certain reverence for the American flag. Many mornings I’ve watched the morning flag-raising from my truck as base police stop traffic to prevent it interfering with the ceremony, noticing those days it peaks briefly before descending to half-mast on remembrance days or the passing of high-ranking public servants, and watched it taken down at day’s closing, folded up, and kept safe through the night.

I believe in freedom of speech, so I accept the legality of flag desecration as a means of protest. However much it offends me, I’m emotionally mature enough to recognize that’s the point. They have a right to say and do things that offend me, I don’t have a right not to be offended.

I forgive misguided patriots who slap flag bumper stickers on their cars, wear flag boxers, or leave their flags hanging out all night to grow dew-soaked and moldy. Just as I am a lazy environmentalist, I can accept lazy patriots.

But this is just grotesque grandstanding:

God Bless This Porta Potty!

Carl Sagan argued that we and our children should pledge allegiance to the United States Constitution every morning, to emphasize the meaning of American principles, rather than treat our flag and our country like a sports team, rooting for it right or wrong. Promising to “bring Democracy” to a country shouldn’t be a threat.

We could do with a little more philosophical patriotism in America, and a little less crass patriotic pageantry.

Just my thoughts for this Constitution Day.